Decorating for Couples with Opposite Styles
How to blend two different styles into one cohesive home
This question came through on Instagram, and I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t been meaning to get to it: “How do I decorate when my partner and I have opposite styles?”
This is so, so tricky.
A lot of times, one person is moving into someone else’s pre-established home, wishing to bring their own belongings into the mix. Other times, both parties are moving into a new home together — maybe one of you has stronger preferences, maybe the other one can’t stand some of your things. Whatever the style conundrum, do I ever have advice for you.
This will be a multi-part series, so absolutely be sure to subscribe here so you get each part delivered to your inbox. If you’re struggling with blending partner styles, this series will absolutely help you whether you’ve lived together for decades or you’re getting ready to move in.
Divide + Conquer Your Styles
First of all, I want to acknowledge that if you’re reading this, there’s a motive in here somewhere. You most likely want to make this work to preserve you and your partner’s sense of style while also making your home look good. Or maybe you’re hoping I’ll tell you to just throw away all their stuff and do what you want — let’s be real, we all wanna do that sometimes.
But there are two very broad rules I like to dole out from the jump:
Shared spaces require shared style
You each need at least one private space in the home that is just for you to decorate how you want
Let’s focus on rule two first, because the shared spaces are going to require a bit more heavy lifting.
Create Your Own Space Before You Blend Styles
I don’t care if it’s an office, bedroom, bathroom or shed in the backyard; each of you needs a space that you’re allowed to have full creative control over. Of course, I’m not telling you how to live your life, but for couples who each have a very defined style or strong preferences, giving yourselves a space that feels wholly you will alleviate resentment and that feeling like you can’t just be yourself.
I also recommend these be “private spaces,” meaning, these aren’t the places people necessarily hang out when they come over to your house. For example, living rooms, dining rooms and kitchens are largely public domain, but even bathrooms, guest rooms and basements, I consider “private” in that they’re mostly used by intimate invitation.
Ultimately, you can decide what is public or shared domain that you want to blend, and what rooms you consider private, that you can decorate to your whims.
You will agree on the space or spaces that each of you can decorate, and if you can’t agree, then you need to blend it.
Blending Two Unique Styles
Once you’ve divided up your own domains, it’s time to focus on returning to rule 1 to blend your two styles. Here are my getting started guidelines:
Pick ONE room to start with
Make it a room that feels most neutral to both of you/most low stakes
Don’t try to be perfect, just look at this as practice and something creative you can do together
First, Clear the Room
I’m going to make a big ask here, but it’s so worth it: Empty out the room. Pretend you’re moving even if you’re not. If you are moving, intentionally keep your things out of the room for a hot minute.
We need to log a couple things first before we move forward:
What function does this room serve?
How do we want to feel when we use it?
How do we want others to feel when they use it?
Answer these questions separately and then compare and talk about them. Level-setting expectations before you do anything will help both of you focus and release unnecessary control.
Look for where there’s overlap in your responses, and if there are differences, be curious! Getting on the same page with expectations doesn’t mean someone is right and someone is wrong. It’s about understanding why each of you is thinking the way that you are so that you can find common ground.
Next, each of you needs to sort through what just came out of the room and organize your own things into:
Must stay in the room
Must stay in MY designated room
Must stay in the house — elsewhere or storage
It can be donated or trashed
This exercise is about being honest with yourself first. Nothing about this step is permanent or life-altering, but it can be a bit emotional. I encourage each of you to treat this step like a bit of a ritual — don’t just go through the motions, use this time to find clarity with yourself and your things.
It will help you make the case for what you’re keeping to your partner (logic! reason!), and also just maybe help you realize that you’re holding onto things that don’t actually matter that much.
If you’re moving in or your partner is moving in with you: sort the things you were going to bring into the room. If you’re moving in with your partner, go through all the stuff you wanted to put in this shared space. If they’re moving in with you, have them do the same.
Putting Two Styles Together
After you’ve emptied the room and sorted your belongings, go ahead and bring back the keepers you’re both sure of as of right now. This might change throughout the process, but all we are looking for here is what you have in common, and what’s wildly different that needs a unifying thread.
Let the room feel a little empty and hodgepodge for a beat. The empty space is where we open up to new ideas and possibilities.
While the room is sparse, pay attention to what your things have in common — really notice. Is it a color? Material? Design? What specifically about each item in the room do you like and not like? The shape? The size? The Color? Texture?
These are good questions to ask yourselves separately and then bring your lists together to compare and contrast.
You both might realize you have more in common than you thought, and you might also realize you can let even more go in order to come back together.
What’s Next: Color
While I think anyone can style their own space, I also think everyone needs a method to the madness to eliminate guesswork and indecision, and actually translate the ideas in your head to your real home. I love DIY, but I’m a systems person at heart.
The Home Alchemy Method helps you translate your inner world to your outer space by breaking down home styling into 7 manageable steps — and we’re using them here together to make your shared space feel like one cohesive home. The second step in The Home Alchemy Method is choosing color, so we’re going to do that together in the next post.
If you haven’t yet, subscribe now so you can follow along when we define a color palette for your shared space.
We’ll dive into how to do this as a team so you can both win and get what you want in the space moving forward. From there, we’ll work our way through the rest of the room, step by step, so that over the next few weeks, you can resolve this once and for all and finally have a shared space that feels like both of you.
