Design from what’s happening on the inside before you choose what goes on the outside
TL;DR:
If your decorating efforts keep falling short, it’s because you’re not getting personal enough. Generic DIY decorating advice isn’t specific enough to help you create a home that feels like you, because only you can tap into what that is, how it feels and what that looks like. Most design advice wants you to choose before you even know what you’re looking for, but Alchemy of Home starts with what’s happening in your inner world before designing your outer space.
(Wanna skip to the meat and potatoes? Go on ahead, friend!)
Trigger warning: brief mention of body dysmorphia
For most of my adult life, I decorated “cute” spaces. Everything looked good, and I always got complimented when people came over, but I got bored in like 6 months.
Of course I’ll share the finished work! By Nick Horvath.
I’d haul off to Target (cancelled!) or Home Goods and impulsively buy things I liked in the moment, always with the intention to make my space even better.
The problem: I was never choosing for me.
When I bought my first house, all that changed.
Specifically, one morning in the spring of 2022, I woke up to a DM from a total stranger asking if he could paint me — nude.
HELLO HI EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME?
I said no. Hastily.
But then I went back and looked at his work. It was gorgeous.
Tail tucked, I reached back out and asked a little more about it. He explained that he had seen my geo tag at a music festival, and he loved the way my body looked. (Sounds gross, but it was a very artsy convo and I felt no creepy vibes.)
The thing was though, at the time, I was at the heaviest weight I’d ever been, and as someone who’s struggled with body stuff her whole life, that shocked the hell out of me.
I’m sure many can relate to feeling certain ways in our bodies no matter how they look to others, and this was one of those moments. It was very confusing to be seen as a beautiful subject rather than a flawed and imperfect object.
Long story short, I ended up sending him some tasteful 😏 nudes, and he painted me in bright watercolor.
Of course, I ordered every single one and blew them up on my living room wall. They’re beautiful.
I’m not too much, and I’m also more than enough! I’m not an object! I’m the subject of my own life!
And that’s what I want to talk about today: the beautiful aspects of ourselves we hide away in shame. AKA: The Golden Shadow.
Home Design Meets Golden Shadow and the 4 Ways You Can Reclaim Yours
If you’ve heard of shadow work before, you’re familiar with the concept of healing the parts of ourselves that we feel shame about. These are aspects of us that were shamed, criticized or seen as unacceptable.
Even if you weren’t directly shamed, you could have even seen someone else catching heat and embarrassment for some traits or behaviors, and it scared you enough to hide those from yourself.
Our Golden Shadows, however, are the aspects of us that we hide, even though they’re the most valuable parts of who we are. Freeing our Golden Shadows has the power to change our entire lives.
Too much? That’s not a thing in my world.
Let me give you an example: I tend to be petty at times, and I kind of own that, but it’s not something I necessarily want to elevate, and I wouldn’t consider it a “golden” trait of mine — LOL.
But I’ve also been overtly or covertly shamed my whole life for being “too much,” or “too intense.”
Actually, my intensity is a gift.
It’s my energy, my drive, my conviction and my passion. Not to get too deep, but we do project control over these aspects onto our bodies, so hanging my bright, watercolor nudes on the freaking wall is absolutely a reclamation of some of the best parts of me.
It’s not about a titty painting on the wall. It’s about standing in my full power in front of the world and not giving an inch over to what I think other people expect me to be.
So, here’s how you can reclaim your Golden Shadow and create a Magnetic Home.
Reclamation 1: Let Your Home Be Bolder Than You’ve Allowed Yourself to Be
If you’ve worried in the past that the things you like are weird, won’t look right or are too much, leaning into that is the medicine here.
Maybe the art you pick will be weird to someone else. Maybe it will take a little practice to learn how to trust your own eye. And it will probably feel scary to put your ideas on display.
But that’s the only way to reclaim who you really are.
In the past, your preferences and interests might have been ignored, dismissed or flat out criticized, and that shame can stick for life if you don’t peel it off.
Your home is the safest place to start to bring those parts of you back online, though.
There’s usually a lot at play that sort of wakes up this sudden urge to be more expressive, and I talked about that in a previous post about designing your home for your next chapter.
There’s a turning point in this moment, and it’s not something you have to figure out all at once. In fact, starting much smaller is actually a faster way to start to build creative trust with yourself again.
Your Action Prompt: Go get ONE thing you’ve loved that you’ve always talked yourself out of and bring it home.
Reclamation 2: Stop Decorating for Approval and Start Trusting What You Love
This usually hits high-functioning creatives who have put themselves on the backburner for so long they can’t even feel their own heat anymore.
You probably have quirky interests, sentimental collections or meaningful artwork that you hide away or half-ass show off in your space.
At some point, you probably learned that this quirky creativity of yours wasn’t all that practical, and other people needed your magic, talent and skills elsewhere, so you gave it all away.
You stopped trusting what’s right for you and forgot that you have free fucking will.
It’s time to get selfish about what you like, what you’re drawn to and what makes you feel good in your sparkly listtle soul.
Your Action Prompt: Start asking some questions. Pick out the things in your home that make you the happiest and ask yourself WHY? Then keep following that trail. You’ll know what to do with it.
*If you feel particularly blocked up in your space, there could be a lot piled up that’s clouding your creative eye. I wrote about these sneaky blocks a couple weeks ago.
Reclamation 3: Design for Who You Are, Not Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be
“Too much” is a spectrum and we’re all on it somewhere.
If you’ve shuttered away parts of yourself to be perceived as more “serious,” “professional,” or “put together,” your home likely never feels like you because you’re still trying to curate an image.
At some point, you started believing that the way you are is somehow wrong, and so you think your your home should reflect an idealized version of you.
What’s likely missing is that you’re not asking yourself what you really want or what you really need.
Your home should serve you, first and foremost. And I mean that literally: It should do what you need it to do.
Your Action Prompt: Stop buying, fixing and tweaking and ask: how do I feel in this room now? And how do I want to feel? What do I want this room to do for me. And then design around that.
Reclamation 4: Give Yourself Permission to Want More
Your home might be in its “good enough” era, and you can’t help but feel that itch to make it jaw-dropping.
You probably have a good eye, but something in you feels frivolous or “extra” pouring money, time and energy into a home that already looks “fine.”
People around you might not be as “deep” (ok, Liz, enough with the quotations) as you are or just might not care about beauty and creativity the way you do, which makes you feel kind of out of place.
I’m here to tell you: you’re in the right place here. Your creativity and depth are the blueprint.
Your Action Prompt: Go get something outrageous and let it stick out like a sore thumb. Collect confused looks if you must, but get it because you love it and see how it changes the room.
A Home Designed from the Best of You
Home means something different to everyone, and everybody struggles with different blocks in their space as well as different stages of life that manifest in our spaces.
That’s why finding the right design strategy is imperative to your decorating success. DIY decorating advice is super accessible, but it’s also super generic, so if it’s not translating to your home, it’s not you. Believe me.
You just need to learn what’s going to make home feel magnetic for you.
I designed a Home Alchemy Archetype Quiz to help you peel back some of the layers blocking up your creativity, diagnose your space and give you practical solutions based on where your home and its expression are landing right now.
You can take that to get a better sense of where to begin.
Home Alchemy is not about creating a pretty house just for the sake of approval or because it’s something you think you “should” do. Home Alchemy is a deeper exploration of how your home connects to you and all the experiences, qualities and golden shadows that make you who you are.
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Talk to you soon.
Written from home,
Liz
The Home Alchemy Method
* Inner World x Outer Space *
The Home Alchemy Method * Inner World x Outer Space *
Liz is the founder of Alchemy of Home, a home styling education brand for women and queer folks who are ready for their homes to feel like a living extension of who they are, but don’t know how to get there yet.
A fashion industry dropout and former recruiter, Liz brings a trained eye and years of listening for what people don’t say out loud to every client, then teaches a step-by-step decorating process they can use room after room. She built the Home Alchemy framework around the four ways a home falls out of step with its owner: after a life change, from burnout, through endless unfinished projects, or when “pretty” stops being enough. She has lived through all four and guided clients through each. One client said, “She took the time to really listen to me, while also asking thoughtful questions that helped me understand my style and what I want my space to look like.”
She speaks on reclaiming identity through your home, trusting your intuition over AI, and using your home as a tool for personal evolution. And yes, she’s a more than a little obsessed with lighting.
Take the Home Alchemy Archetype quiz at go.alchemy-of-home.com/quiz.
